Once upon a time

Two score and eight years ago (plus four days), a baby boy was born. He was no doubt an adorable thing, but I wouldn't know, as I was under a year old myself and still doodooing the diapers at every chance I got.

As this child grew into a lad, raised by a houseful of women, he view of the world was molded by them into something quirky and deliciously different - for a boy at any rate.

As a teenager, he blossomed and as a young adult he traveled the world for over a year, discovering along the way that people are people and hell if they don't all like to party and drink copious amounts of beer.

Several years later we met. It wasn't love at first sight, not by a long shot as we were both with other people at the time. But a few years later, things dropped into place and I've had the daily pleasure of his company ever since.

Without him life would be grayer, duller and a whole lot less funny.

And I'd be way less well fed - which, might not be a bad thing, all things considered. Although it would surely be a much less healthy thing, considering what I'd be eating if I had to feed myself... but I digress.

Happy belated B-day post Mr. Jazz. I love you more than I can say - I'd have to invent a whole new language.

Rather than a post...

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...today you get a link.  A link to Tatty Tiara's latest post. People this woman is a must read. She is she is...

Go now, run along, she's waiting.
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From the oh ferchrissake file

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ABC, CBS and NBC will apparently be interrupting their programming to air the Tiger Woods press conference.

What the fuck is with that?  The guy is a golfer who cheated repeatedly on his wife because he's a "sex addict" (and I won't even go there, no, no snarky comments about how it's a wonderful excuse when you want to get off the hook for being a serial cheater and .... oops).

Anyway.

The guy isn't the president, he isn't the pope, he isn't god.

He's not announcing the beginning of the third world war.

HOW HAS THIS BECOME NEWS WORTHY OF INTERRUPTING PROGRAMMING ON ALL THREE MAJOR NETWORKS?????

You have got to be shitting me.
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You know what really pisses me off?

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Disclaimer: this post includes foul language which might be offensive to some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.  Or something. 'Cause bad language wouldn't be a first here, but we must be PC cause well, you never know whose virgin eyes might end up here...

And now I have to re-write my title cause that little disclaimer episode totally screwed up the rythme.

So.

You know what really pisses me off?

Well, I'm a tell y'all...

What really pisses me off is when the (looooong !!!) meme post I was working on today - and I really put work in it an' it was long and it was convoluted an' it was entertaining as all hell, though you'll have to take my word for that - which I saved as a draft because I wasn't quite finished (maybe 5 more minutes work...) and then came back to for the finishing touches...

has been deleted by Blogger.

Deleted.
By.
That.
Fucktard.
Blogger!!

(sorry for fucktard, but for some reason I love that nasty nasty word and have always wanted to use it somewhere. Blogger doing this to me is the perfect occasion. Fucktard!)

It annoys me to no end to work my little ass off for nothing (ok, big, yes Blogger my ass? it is BIG and if it sits on you it'll quash the miserable little cyber life right out of you, you evil assclown troll of the innernetses). Hell, I do that every day at the office, out there in the Twilight Zone, the whole working thing. For what? What I ask you? To what end? What's the damn point of that?

The last thing I need is to do the same thing in real life.

Bleh.

It might not be so bad, but it's fucking February (note the alliteration). I hate February and it hates me right back.  AND it's in cahoots with Blogger to make my life a living hell. It is. Yes indeed.

You might not believe me but I KNOW.  February and Blogger - twin terrorists of winter and the innertubes...

Bleh.

But y'all?  I loveses, you i does, y'allses is my precisoussses

Christ I need a drink. At least then I'd have a reason for being incoherent.

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Sentencing

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Earl Jones (who I mentioned here) was sentenced yesterday to 11 years in prison after pleading guilty; he defrauded 158 clients of $50 million dollars.  It's not muich when you look at the likes of Bernie Madoff, but it is a chunk of change.

The man is despicable, he found lots of his "clients" in nursing homes or he preyed on the dying or their bereaved families. He ruined is own brother fer chrissake. That's sick...

So he got eleven years. Problem is, in Canada that translates to about  22 months, what with the fact that he'll have to to 1/6th of his sentence and time already served counts double. He could be free after 22 fucking months.


His lawyer had the gall to say that it was much worse than that, that his sentence is to be alone, his family is gone, he has no friends. He is sentenced to be alone. Fuck off, his solitude is a result of his behaviour. It's his own damn fault and not part of his sentence.

The judge, on the other hand, had no choice, she was applying the law.

I can't help but wonder if this type of situation has anything to do with the fact that more and more people in Canada think the death sentence isn't such a bad idea.

Or maybe politicians want to be sure that the financial gurus, those who finance them aren't in too much of a bind if they are arrested - but that's a cynical view even by my standards.

There are more and more of these "victimless" crimes. And the perpetrators pretty much have a get out of jail free card. The whole concept of the punishment fitting the crime has been tossed straight out the window in this country.

Unless I'm the one being punished of course. In that case, lenient would definitely be the way to go. Except I'm to lazy get into a life of crime...

The Mind Boggles

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As seen in this week's Montreal Mirror:


FRESH HOT HATE

While the passing into law of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act was generally met with a blend of applause and standard American indifference, four Michigan zealots are concerned the prevention of anti-gay crime interferes with their God-given right to violently hate gays. So outraged are they by the inconvenience, in fact, that they’ve filed a federal suit.

Filed by Dominos Pizza founder Tom Monaghan’s Thomas More Law Center on behalf of the American Family Association and three equally wing-nutty pastors, the suit alleges the Hate Crimes Act gives homosexuals legal protections that make them “more equal than others.” Furthermore, the plaintiffs are concerned that the laws equate their “deeply held religious beliefs” with racism and will stymie their “freedom of speech, expressive association and free exercise” of those beliefs. The act itself clearly states that it in no way will infringe on freedom of speech or freedom of expression laws.

In addition to getting its allegations wrong, the suit also dismisses the notion that Matthew Shepard’s having been tied to a fence and beaten to death in 1998 had anything to do with his homosexuality.
by SCOTT SAXON

Monaghan is described in Wikipedia as a philanthropist.  My dictionary describes philanthropy as an "altruistic concern for human welfare and advancement".  Yeah, as long as it's anti gay, anti choice   (Monaghan is big in HLI).

How can you justify hate in the name of a god? HOW!?! Isn't catholicism, well christianity overall supposed to be about love and tolerance and all that hippie stuff? The religious right makes me sick.

Happy v-day everyone.

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In the news

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Lotto Quebec has decided to go online with a casino. Oh horror, oh end of the world. All these people who don't gamble will start gambling and yadda yadda yadda...

The funny thing is how they're selling it as a way for people to gamble securely online. Seems lots of people get ripped off in online casinos. Who knew.

Honestly, I have no problem with Lotto Quebec opening an online casino. I don't give a damn. But fer chrissake people, stop being so damn hypocritical about it, it's not about "making sure people can gamble online securely". It's not a damn public service ! It's about making money. The government always needs more money. Just come out and say it. I dare you, just be honest for once, we can take it!

Morons.

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In other news:

The Quebec government has decided to use a new and revolutionary method of evaluating students:  KNOWLEDGE ! Because 5 or 6 years ago, the govenrnment decided to reform the school system.They did away with marks and went for evaluating competence - your problem solving skills, your skills at getting along etc. etc. and hopefully, some general knowledge was evaluated along the way. After all you wouldn't want a child to feel bad because they flunked. (And I'm not gonna start ranting on that particular way of looking at things, nope. Not today) And it seems school boards didn't all have the same marking system so there wasn,t much uniformity across the province. Or something. I never really did understand what the hell they were on about - and since I don't have kids, it was sort of a moot point anyway.

I'm sure BB could explain it all to our satisfaction, him being a teacher and all. Or maybe he's just as confused as the rest of us.

And so, this week, the big announcement. Starting next year students will be getting marked (with numbers no less!) on knowledge of a subject.  They're trying to spin it, but obviously the plan flopped big time. Once again some  bozo pushed his lets-use-the-kids-as-guinea-pigs-and-see-what-happens agenda. Once again it didn't work. The mind? It boggles.

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In yet other news:

The Lieutenant Governor of Quebec...  - ok, let me 'splain for you Americans out there. Technically the Queen of England is still the boss of us, so Canada has a Governor General who represents her here and each province has a Lieutenant Governor who represents her and both offices cost us a fortune and why the hell is she still our "Queen" anyway and what a stupid fucking system that is, but I digress - so the LG holds a highly honorific post and doesn't do much of anything except hand out medals to deserving citizens and that sort of shit. Well, the guy seems to think he's all important and stuff, because he had his face stamped on the medals it seems. Yes, his face.

HIS!
FACE!

What the fuck?

Listen to the sound of my mind boggling.  Boggle, boggle, boggle.

Is the government as ridiculous outside Quebec? Really, I need to know.

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And a last tidbit.

This one freaks me right the hell out though.

The Mohawks of the Kanawake reserve south of Montreal have decided that any whites living on the reserve must leave as legally, only Mohawks can live in the territory. The 26 (or so) people have received eviction notices and have 10 days to vacate. Who are these 26 people? They are spouses and boy/girlfriends of Mohawks. And no mixing should take place. They have the law on their side, but damn. I'm flabbergasted (damn, I love that word).

Lots of ink is flowing, talk of racism, racial purity, Hitler, you name it.

Here is the mp3 link to a radio interview.  It's on a French station, but the interview is in English, with the host translating from time to time..

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Check this out...

BB posted this today. Hilarious video.

Move over Shakespeare!

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Can't think
Brain numb
Inspiration won't come

Weather's bleah
All grey
Need some sun to want to play

Job's crap
What's my goal
Seems I'm stuck in a deep dark hole

Family, well
That's OK
Something at least is goin' my way

Can't think
Brain dead
Inanity trundles through my head



* I can't help but find it somewhat creepy how Will's head somehow seems to not be attached to his body, like it's been lopped off and then balanced on his collar...

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Sometimes you just gotta make a stand. Thanks Keith

From Pat Robertson:



From Rush Limbaugh



And from Keith Olbermann: 





















Thank you Thank You THANK YOU !!!

Well hell, two posts in a day

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Because I totally forgot until I checked out Alison's blog and she reminded me...

IT'S DELURKING DAY!!!!

This is the day to comment on blogs. To all you people who read but never ever comment, make yourselves known if only for this one day. Leave a comment. Be seen! Be heard! I'd love to know who you are.

C'mon I double dare you.
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Ian, this one's for you!!!

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Brought to you by LIFE:

When Flying was fun - Those were the days!
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Logistics, Logistics, Logistics

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Over the past few weeks, Mr. Jazz and I have become hooked on the series everyone is talking about, Mad Men. Or maybe it's the series everyone was talking about because though we're well into the first season, apparently this series has been around for three seasons already. We can be a bit slow on the uptake Mr. Jazz and I.

It's a great series, about advertising executives on Madison (Mad) Avenue during the early sixties. Ah the sixties, such a wholesome era it was!

OK, screeching halt here. Lets just say the series shows pretty well that people will be people whatever era they live in.

So anyway, no major spoiler here - one of the characters is cheating on his wife (oh la la!!, who knew Tiger and Clinton weren't the first?)

And while watching the show I pointed out to Mr. Jazz that hey, isn't it bizarre. The ubiquitous cell phone is nowhere to be seen!

Which in turn brought out the observation: I wonder if it wasn't easier to cheat on your spouse in those days than it is today. Logisitcally speaking of course.

Obviously, if you want to be cheatin' nothing's going to stop you. But does all the technology we have to "simplify" our lives help at all?

On the one hand, back in the dark ages you could phone home and simply say "I'm dining with a client" and you were incommunicado from then on.

On the other hand, cell phones are very useful contact the "partner in crime"

On the other hand (yes! didn't you know I have hands sprouting all over my body, a regular octopus I am), if you don't answer said cell when the spouse calls because you happen to be doing the horizontal boogie with said partner in crime, questions will be raised.

On yet another hand - well I'm not sure I have another hand.

Point is, technology was supposed to simplify our lives overall. Microwaves and GPSs seem to have done so, but  I tend to think that having a cellphone would complicate things somewhat if you're thinking of cheating on a spouse. If of course said spouse tends to call you at all hours.

But I don't have a cell phone so what do I know.

So now it's your turn. I don't often ask you to weigh in, but let me know what you think.

Seen on Facebook

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You know, in that bar to the right, the one with all the (dare I call them stupid?) ads:

- Five foods for a flat belly - it seems these foods will burn your stomach fat. If you belive this, obviously FB has been burning your brain cells

- Three foods you should never eat - Because these foods will promote stomach fat.

My question is, if you eat the five and also the three, will you still be ahead by two?

My mathematical skills are still intact - though this calculation pretty much taxed them to their limit.
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And they raised the price of stamps!

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I was incredibly thrilled to have such a great post for you!

You see, over my vacation I was in Korea (I think) and at one point wandering through a backwater market I happened upon The Bay. (The Bay for all you Americans out there is the national department store of Canadia - somewhere between JC Penney and Saks on the department store scale. Macy's perhaps? I have no clue).

I was flabbergasted I was!  I walked in and a lady said to me: Good Afternoon Ms. Jazz (in a delightful Asian accent).

- ?!?!?!  How do you know my name?
- Oh, security out back scans everyone entering with that camera and matches you against our international database and gives me your name through this speaker in my ear. If you're a thief, murderer or terrorist you won't be allowed in.
- !?!?!?!

I couldn't help but think that maybe they should let the US use that technology on planes.
And then I thought, there's a damn good blog post in this.
And then the alarm clock went off.

And I woke up, and when I was awake enough to function - after I had had my shower and was half dressed - it dawned on me that I didn't have a blog post after all. And it pissed me off.

Because the whole "My Resolutions" post, not so much thank you. (Besides, it's the 6th, isn't it too late for a New Years post?)  I'm too old to be into resoultions. Been there, done that, couldn't be bothered to either keep them or feel guilty about it.  If I had kept all my resolutions I would weigh about -95 lbs, have read all of Proust and never said fuck again.

Hasn't happened.

I read somewhere in the past week that we should not actually make resolutions. Resolutions set us up for failure you see. Instead we should have intentions or goals. What the hell is that? Is an intention or a goal less binding than a resolution so that, after three nanoseconds of "I intend to never eat chocolate again" when you don't manage it any more than if you had "resolved not to eat any chocolate" you'll feel less guilty about it?

And I shall spare you all a rant on the stupidity of a society where everything has to be safe and easy and one should never ever be too hard on oneself because damn, one might realise that one isn't all that special, and is basically just a cog in the machine. 

Stupid-ass mollycoddling* I say!  (I'd never say stupid-ass either if I had kept my resolutions).

Stand up! Take responsibility for yourself !  If, like me, you are so lacking in moral fibre, willpower or masochism, that you're unable to keep a resolution, intentions and goals won't work either. Within four days, you'll be back to your comfy habits, intentions all shot to hell. Though maybe intentions are less guilt inducing than resolutions. Or something. If you're into guilt over drunken promises made after taking stock of your life during a New Years party, go ahead, intend and resolve to your hearts content.

Me, not so much.

Who was it that said: Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die ?  The guy had a point.

Have a good year y'all - and no, the title has nothing to do with anything, someone just now passed that nugget of information on to me.



* Let me edumacate you in these early days of 2010 (won't happen too often I'd say - usually when I don't know something I don't bother to look it up, I ask XUP because she is all knowing she is. Next best thing to god) - The origins of the word mollycolddle:  

To "mollycoddle" someone is, of course, to pamper the person in an extremely attentive and solicitous fashion. As you found, "mollycoddle" is an extreme form of "coddle," which, when it first appeared in English around 1598 meant "to boil gently" (from the Latin "calidum," hot drink). The "gentle" aspect of "coddle" led, around 1815, to its figurative use to mean "nurse," "pamper" or "treat as an invalid," the sense found in "mollycoddle."

Decoding the "molly" in "mollycoddle" brings us to the noun form of "mollycoddle," which means "a pampered weakling" or "a sissy." "Molly" is indeed a "pet form" of the name Mary, often used in slang as a disparaging term for a prostitute or criminal's companion (as in a gangster's "moll"), but also contemptuous slang for a weak or ineffectual man. So to "mollycoddle" someone, in the original sense of the term, is to treat him or her in the delicate fashion a "molly" must be "coddled." "Mollycoddle" first appeared in English as a noun around 1833 and the verb form was in use by 1870.
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