Friday, November 14, 2008

The thing about butts

XUP's recent post reminded me of a conversation Mr. Jazz and I had recently.

Jazz: I have the proof for all those Christian right nutjobs that god does not exist, or that if he does he's far from perfect.

Mr. Jazz: Okaaaaay.... and that would be?

Jazz: Butts.

Mr. Jazz: Butts?

Jazz: Well see, god is supposed to be omniscient, to know all to have engineered man in his own image, eh?

Mr. Jazz: ....

Jazz: Now look at animals. They poop, it falls out their butt, they keep going about their business. No butt cheeks, no fuss, no muss, and mostly, no mess. Right?

Mr. Jazz: Um....

Jazz: Now us, we have butt cheeks that screw everything up. Things stick, things smear; toilet paper has become a thriving industry because of our faulty design.

Mr. Jazz: I see your point, but god?

Jazz: Well if god was so perfect, you'd think he'd have ironed out the kinks a long time ago. And if we are made in his own image (cause god has to be a guy, a woman would have thought to fix this), this makes him imperfect doesn't it?

Ergo, since god is perfect, and this issue delves deep in the realm of imperfection, god must not exist - because according to judeo-christian thought, an imperfect god is an impossibility. Thus Darwin was right, it's all about evolution, and human evolution contains a serious kink, perhaps because we were too busy evolving our brain to evolve our butt. It might explain why humans are so cranky all the time. If we had a well designed butt, we might never even have thought of the concept of war!

On the other hand, maybe god does exist and has huge investments in toilet paper companies - in which case, the joke's on us.


xup said...

Deep. Really deep. You could start a religion based on thoughts like this. It would be tax free income and you could go on TV in white suits and spread the word.

VioletSky said...

then've seen dogs and cats licking themselves clean. I know what image I'd rather be made in.

Mr. Jazz said...

I'm with Vee-Oletski!

Urban Animal said...

Me too... I'm nowhere flexible enough to... I'd rather not think about it lol

geewits said...

Scientifically, I'd say our cheeks are to keep flies from laying eggs in our butts. Most animals have furr and tails to keep the flies away, but now the baboon has me scratching my...head.

Paula said...

Uhm, just curious...How do you define a "Christian right nutjob"? And would you be friends with one?

furiousBall said...

for any discussion on butt cheeks, i always refer to my sage advisor on the subject, bill cosby

look at how happy bill is in the video, that joy is sent from heaven, ergo god exists and he loves them real thick and juicy, So find that juicy double, Mixalot's in trouble, Beggin for a piece of that bubble

somewhere joe said...

Butts are made for sex appeal, not practicality.

Jazz said...

XUP - You wanna be my right hand.. um... person?

Violetsky - That is a thought

Mr. Jazz & UA - Neither of you is flexible enough. Come to that, neither am I.

Geewits - Ah, yes, the baboon.

Paula - Those, for instance who tell me I am totally immoral because I'm an atheist. Who tell me I'm going to hell because I don't believe in the same things they do. I have no problem with Christians in general. I respect anyone's beliefs if they do me the courtesy of respecting mine.

Fuball - Bill Cosby is indeed the man.

Joe - Obviously, because they sure as hell aren't practical.

Big Brother said...

Maybe it's HIS/Her idea of a joke... he's probably chuckling right now.

Anonymous said...

This is the sort of thing you guys talk about?

Ian Lidster said...

And, certain bums are just so darned cute and adorable. Like mine, for example. Seriously, though, our butts do have significant erotogenic roles if you believe your Desmond Morris.

You guys have some great conversations.

Jazz said...

BB - probably

Citizen - Actually, it's the type of thing I talk about. Mr. Jazz just sort of looks at me, bemused...

Ian - True, there's nothing quite as hot as a nice male butt.

Mike said...

I agree with Practically. A gorgous butt on a woman is all that a man needs to know that God has made perfection.