Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Dear Ma'am,

a)  Leggings are not pants
b) Cellulite is not pretty under leggings.
c) If you wore the trend the first time around, chances are, you shouldn't try it when it rolls back.

These are good principles to keep in mind. I'm sure you think the leggings make you look youthful. But no, they make you look like nothing other than ridiculous. Because Ma'am, that was really really not a good look.





Dear Men in General,

What the hell is the idea with open legs thing. On buses, in theaters, every time  you sit down.

Why do you open your legs that way? Do your balls need extra air? Are you wanting to show off your package? Because dudes, I really really don't care. In the morning I'm not awake enough to notice and in the evenings, I'm too tired to care. Besides, most of you don't have enough of a package for it to be noticeable in your pants. Unless you wear leggings - in which case, please see above.

I really do not appreciate sitting in the bus or on the plane or train and having you take up over half my allotted space with your spreading out. Close your damn legs already! Stop with the fucking sense of entitlement to all the available - or non available - space.

Because I just might have to haul along a hammer the next time I take public transport and shatter any part of your leg encroaching on my space.




Dear Visa:

I just received my new card with the nifty little microchip thingy that's all secure and coded with layers and layers and layers and is totally foolproof apparently.

According to you it's much better than a card with the magnetic strip which is way easy to get into.

According to you this is the future of credit cards, because my card? It is now unassailable.

I'd just like to point out the non-nifty magnetic strip on the back of my card (because so many people don't yet have the new microchip machines).

Let me also point out that by the time they DO have these machines, the microchip technology will have been circumvented by the bad guys and the cards will already be obsolete. But thank you for trying.




Dear Jazz,

If it so annoys you that men take up all your space in the bus, why don't you say something about it, rather than just fume?

Because you're a pushover, that's why. Grow a spine Woman!



Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Natural Instincts hair colour:

For women:  $10.49
For men       $9.49*

Nair hair remover:

For women: $9.57 *(200g)  
For men:      $6.89 (227g)

Gillette shaving gel:
For women: $4.17         
For men:      $3.97

Mennen Speed Stick and Lady Speed stick:
For women:  $4.47  (45g)
For men:       $4.47  (92g)

I didn't even compare shavers and shampoos and shower gels, but it's most probably safe to say men's versions are cheaper there too.

Once again, I ask:  Why?

What the fuck is wrong with this picture? Are women deemed too stupid to realize they're paying more for the same product? Well, I guess so since that's exactly what's going on.

Then why do we stand for it? Why don't we simply stop and buy men's products. Skin is skin is skin and ours is no more fragile or sensitive than theirs. Seriously, why should we be expected to pay up to and over a dollar more in some cases? I want to know.

Join the movement (well, start the movement actually). I've been using men's stuff for a long time. So what if the can is grey rather than pastel pink and green? If you can get the same thing cheaper in the men's aisle, do it!

Seriously, I'm annoyed.

*All prices regular at Jean Coutu pharmacy, which tends to be a little cheaper than Pharmaprix (Shoppers Drug Mart)


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Journal Series - Part II

Last week, I started posting stuff from my old journals. It seemed to be a hit, so I'll continue for a bit. Teenage angst gets real tedious real fast. Goddamn but teenagers can be boring, but then so can adults, so...

December 28, 1977

... Christmas itself was pretty dull, 'cept for the champagne, which by the way was delicious. I kept the bottle as a souvenir (and thus the abiding love story of my life was born, we have been together much longer than Mr. Jazz and I...)

March 24, 1978

I wonder what it's like to be old, I don't mean like 20 or 30. I mean really old like 50 or 60 or so (Ah pre-Jazz, now that I'm pushing 50 I have to think you are a most annoying little prat). I guess I'll have to wait and see. I wonder if I'll ever get there and if I even want to. It's weird to think of myself at 50 or 60 or 70 (and kiddo, it's even weirder to be there, scary weird actually, and believe me, it's weird to think of myself as 17). Somehow I don't see myself as a diligent grandmother baking cookies (In your Lit classes, this was called foreshadowing, and guess what? no kids, zip, nada - did I tell you I was lucid even back then? Yay me, at least I was seeing clearly sometimes).

March 28, 1978

From now on, guys'll be friends and nothing else. (Jazzy, they have to want to be your friends plus how can you have a broken heart - or something of that nature I guess, you weren't very precise - when you've never even had a boyfriend? Crushed by a crush? *insert eye roll here, please). Of course, I know myself well enough to not really believe this (kudos to you, you boy crazy adolescent). There must be someone somewhere, at least I hope so (ain't that just the saddest most pathetic thing? The be all and end all of my existence:  I just wanted someone to love me...)

June 11, 1978

The prom was yesterday, and guess what? Yep, I didn't go. Instead Ann (names have been changed to protect the innocent  - not that I know who or where they are anymore, but isn't changing names the done thing?)  and I went to a restaurant for supper and then we went roller skating (I knew how to roller skate? Who the hell knew...) It was nice (classic case of "no one invited me but  I really really didn't want to go anyway you know"). I guess I should throw out my pass for the prom, but I feel like keeping it as a memory of the useless end of high school (I never was a fan of high school, but I might already have mentioned that). L (I didn't bother changing that, who the hell is she???) came to see me at 10:00 am to gloat about the prom - I could've killed her. She wasn't supposed to go but at the last minute she asked an ex boyfriend to go and he said yes (exes! she had an ex and I had never even had a boyfriend!!! colour me green ...). And Lou went with a guy she hardly knew and now they're going out! (adding insult to injury). It's no fair (dude, life ain't fair, it's good to learn the lesson as soon as possible).

July 14, 1978

I'm starting to think the only ones who aren't crazy on earth are the ones that we supposedly sane people consider cracked. Maybe they're the only really sane people. Maybe they're right now planning a mass uprise [sic] and they'll put us all away instead (as you can see, I also had my philosophical moments and yes, I'm utterly embarrassed at the inanity).

August 2, 1978

I saw in an article that young people are returning to old values (seems like every year someone is touting a return to old values, it obviously is nothing new. I wonder if they returned to old values back in the day when the old values were the new values, or whatever). I think it might be true. In my case anyway. I was thinking about it on the bus, and even if before I had been ready to live with a guy, now what I want is to get married, no shacking up for me thank you very much! (famous last words - at least I wasn't talking about having kids - I plead temporary insanity for that little nugget).

August 11, 1978

I want to leave. Once I've finished school I want to have an adventure, i want to travel I don't at all want to get married only to regret it a couple of years later because I've never done anything. (I never did travel after school... that took a few years. more's the pity. It would have done me a world of good, but i acted all "responsible", and instead fled to Montreal to reinvent myself - at school and then I got a job - it's the best I could force myself to do in the way of "rebellion"). There are so many things I want to do, mostly to travel for a year and to make it (that's sufficiently vague to leave the way wide open)... and I want to get married and have children when I'm certain I've done all I want to do. (well there's a flip. I came to my senses about the kid thing, luckily. I wouldn't have made the best of moms).

... I try to pretend like I have confidence in myself. I'm starting CEGEP (a sort of weird hybridwe have in Quebec between high school and university - it equals about the last year of HS and the first of uni in the rest of North America) soon, leaving my life and my friends behind me and jumping into a whole new world. (How's that for melodrama?) Don't tell, but I'm terrified....  I know it'll be ok after a while, but diving is the scary part. Going back to English school where I don't know anyone at all... 

Luc, that guy I met at D's place wants us to go out together, he wants to be my boyfriend! I said I'd have to think about it (ever the prudent one, but it's never a good sign when you have to think about it - it also isn't a good sign when you re-read your diary and think, who? because honestly, he didn't leave a lasting impression, I have no idea who this person is. The slate? it was wiped clean of him. You'd think after wanting a boyfriend for so long, the least I owe him is to remember him, but no, I'm drawing a total blank).  I think I'm going to say yes. I'll have to tell mom, but I think she won't mind. D wants me to ask him if her ex is interested in her because she's still in love with him (for the record, I believe her persistence paid off, she waited years for the guy, but finally convinced him she was the woman for him. This bit of trivia I know because D is my cousin and I heard about this through my mom I think) I was too shy to ask though. I have to stop that too. (cause shyness can be switched off like a light, for the record, it didn't work, even to this day).
And thus ends journal number 2. Is my life riveting or what? More on Luc in the next installment.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

You know you're getting old when...

You think it's utterly ridiculous that a demonstration against police brutality would be staged again this year. In Montreal of all place.

You think the police did well to make the 100 or so arrests of idiots who were throwing bricks and rocks at them, among other violence.

You think that violence to protest against violence just confirms that you are indeed the idiots you seem to be.

Photo by Patrick Sansfaçon, La Presse

I fully understand the young hating authority, but c'mon, I can't help but think lots of people would love to have to deal with the level of police brutality we have here.

If Montreal cops are what you consider brutal, you should try a couple of other countries. Get over yourselves.

Yep, I'm getting old.

Friday, March 12, 2010

From the "How Stupid Can You Get" file

Everyone together now, let's spell Morons.

M - O - R - O - N - S

Who the hell cares who she goes to the prom with? So fucking what? And these are the same people who preach tolerance and loving thy neighbor in church on Sundays.  Ugh

"I don't agree with homosexuality, but I can't change what another person thinks or does."

How the hell can you agree or disagree with homosexuality?  It's not a fucking argument! If we're going that way, I don't agree with pregnancy!  How abysmally moronic is that statement? And I don't care that it comes from a teenager. Use the damn head your god set on your damn shoulders!!!!

Ok, I'll shut up now and let you read for yourselves.


Miss. school prom off after lesbian's date request

This 2009 photo released by Constance McMillen's family via The 
ACLU of AP – This 2009 photo released by Constance McMillen's family via The ACLU of Mississippi, taken in Fulton, …

JACKSON, Miss. – A northern Mississippi school district will not be hosting a high school prom this spring after a lesbian student sought to attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo.

The Itawamba County school district's board decided Wednesday to drop the prom because of what it called recent distractions but without specifically mentioning the girl's request, which was backed by the American Civil Liberties Union.

The student, 18-year-old high school senior Constance McMillen, said the cancellation was retaliation for her efforts to bring her girlfriend, also a student, to the April 2 dance.

"A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this, so in a way it's really retaliation," McMillen told The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson. Calls to McMillen by The Associated Press late Wednesday went unanswered.

School policy requires that senior prom dates be of the opposite sex. The ACLU of Mississippi had given the district until Wednesday to change that policy, arguing that banning same-sex prom dates violated McMillen's constitutional rights.

Instead, the school board met and issued a statement announcing it wouldn't host the event at Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, "due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events."

The statement didn't mention McMillen or the ACLU. When asked by The Associated Press if McMillen's demand led to the cancellation, school board attorney Michele Floyd said she could only reference the statement.

"It is our hope that private citizens will organize an event for the juniors and seniors," district officials said in the statement. "However, at this time, we feel that it is in the best interest of the Itawamba County School District, after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of our students."

Kristy Bennett, legal director for the ACLU of Mississippi, said the district was trying to avoid the issue.
"But that doesn't take away their legal obligations to treat all the students fairly," Bennett said. "On Constance's behalf, this is unfair to her. All she's trying to do is assert her rights."

Itawamba County is a rural area of about 23,000 people in north Mississippi near the Alabama state line. It's near Pontotoc County, Miss., where more than a decade ago school officials were sued in federal court over their practice of student-led intercom prayer and Bible classes.

Anna Watson, a 17-year-old junior at the high school, was looking forward to the prom, especially since the town's only hotspot is the bowling alley, she said.

"I am a little bummed out about it. I guess it's a decision that had to be made. Either way someone was going to get disappointed — either Constance was or we were," Watson said. "I don't agree with homosexuality, but I can't change what another person thinks or does."

Other students are on McMillen's side.

McKenzie Chaney, 16, said she wasn't planning to attend the prom, but "it's kind of ridiculous that they can't let her wear the tuxedo and it all be over with."

A Feb. 5 memo to students laid out the criteria for bringing a date to the prom, and one requirement was that the person must be of the opposite sex.

The ACLU said McMillen approached school officials shortly before the memo went out because she knew same-sex dates had been banned in the past. The ACLU said district officials told McMillen she and her girlfriend wouldn't be allowed to arrive together, that she would not be allowed to wear a tuxedo, and that she and her girlfriend might be asked to leave if their presence made any other students "uncomfortable."
McMillen said she feared she would be thrown out of the prom because "we do live in the Bible Belt."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

And now for something completeley different...

I've been keeping a journal for what seems forever. I suppose, like most girls, I started after reading Anne Frank's diary. And I remember reading Go Ask Alice which also inspired me to write - and become a  junkie (in the interest of full disclosure, let me just say that I'm rolling my eyes at myself here).

A few days ago, I pulled out my first diary (the ubiquitous locked 5-year diary with six lines to a year, which rule I broke with my first entry evah) and thought it could make for a cool (albeit seriously embarrassing) series of posts. What with 35 journals to choose from (obviously I have no life if I can take the time to write 35 journals), I can take you from that first 13 year old entry all the way up to today, which would be way to close for comfort. But before then, we'll all be heartily sick of this and wishing that that proto-Jazz would just shut the hell up already.

And so, I will be posting excerpts from my journals (wonky grammar and all). As noted, most of them will probably be really embarrassing to me, but what the hell, I spend most of my days embarrassing the hell out of myself anyway. It's a gift. It's my superpower.


To whit:

June 25, 1974

I got back from a trip to Chicoutimi yesterday (my birthday). I just got you today and I'm going to tell you everything. (not by a long shot baby - that would've been excruciating)

Sometimes I might put "later" because I might not write everything at the same time (because I might never have realized I was writing later if I hadn't spelled it out). Today I'm feeling high. I don't know why, maybe because I've got you to talk to now (that's sad). Well bye for now diary (Never one to follow rules, by now I was well into the third year entry)

Later: I'm reading "That Was Then, This Is Now" (teenage angst galore!), it's a real great book. A while ago I threw a plaster into Nini's (That would be BB - was my name for him for the longest time) paper basket. I was standing on the couch and I got all dizzy and saw yellow and green and red and sort of dots all over. I wonder if that's what it's like when you take drugs. I'd like to try them (drugs I mean) (I had high ambitions when I was 13 - or maybe I just wanted to be cool). Bye diary, see you tomorrow."

July 2, 1974

You know what I want to do Diary? I want to write a story. Maybe I could, wouldn't that be great? (who knew I had literary aspirations) You could help me, would you? (a touch delusional perhaps, this is a notebook, not a person, Dear)

Later:  I just finished the first chapter in my our book, I don't know if I made a mistake trying to write, but anyway, I'll continue and we'll see. I hope it works (it obviously didn't). See you later.


Surprisingly,  this journal lasted me three years. And I never did finish it, it was much too regimented with all those yearly entries and dates already written down, it was just annoying.

I was pathetically obsessed with boys, and unfortunately they weren't obsessed with me. Utter humiliation to a teenage girl. What can a nerd expect though? As for those who might have shown some interest (and who I was head over heels in crush with):

February 14, 1975

He started talking to me in English. G told him I could understand everything he said in English. The first thing he said was What are you doing tonight?. My answer was, a lot of things that wouldn't interest you. He looked as if someone had slapped him in the face (Well Duh!) After that he said Do you want to sleep with me tonight? and I said no, I have better things to do. The best part was today on the bus after school. He leaned over from his seat on to mine and said, What about my valentines kiss? I just told him to buzz off. Then he asked again and i pushed him back into his seat. I'm not stupid, I know he was laughing at me. He has a girlfriend. And if he didn't I wouldn't be his choice (Actually, all these years later, I can't help but think I was an astute little 14 year old - plus I was terrified. What if?).

And on another note:

January 10, 1976

Everything is mixed up these days. I mean really, what do you do when you wish your own father was dead. Don't say it's natural cause it isn't, even if he is sick. I'm the sick one.

This is my list of things I want most (it strikes me as both hysterically funny and sad):

1. Dad dead
2. No more pimples
3. To have lots of money
4. Be popular

Of course the first and second will happen eventually (I kept my dreams well within the realm of the reasonable), the third probably never unless I marry some rich guy (didn't happen - but I got much better than rich) and the fourth will probably never happen either (bingo - did I say I was astute even at that age?).

P.S. In typing we got electric machines (gotta love the practicality of that after my list...)


The funniest thing re-reading this journal is that I have no idea anymore who most of the people are. I vaguely remember the guy I blew off, and one or two girlfriends, but otherwise - no freaking idea. Nor do I want to remember them.

So, your call people, shall we continue with this?

Friday, March 05, 2010

Gotta love animations

I found this on Facebook, a friend had commented on it...

It is a really cool animation regarding safe sex. Don't watch it if you're easily offended.

I'm proposing the link because as it's rather, graphic YouTube requires you sign in as an adult, and I don't want to make y'all jump through the YouTube hoops.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

In Today's News....

More on the niqab:

It seems that a memo was sent a few months ago to the Montreal police force, saying in essence that, if a criminal is arrested they are to be fingerprinted and photographed for identification purposes.

If this criminal happens to be a woman wearing a niqab (although I can't help but think the chances of that happening are remote), she is to be fingerprinted and requested to unveil for the mug shots.

If she refuses to unveil, she is to be photographed wearing the niqab.

Because that doesn't defeat the "identification" aspect of all this at all.

Words fail me. I mean, really, what the fuck?

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

False adverstising?

There's a whole debate raging in Quebec these days regarding the niqab, and recently a immigrant taking French classes was told she'd have to take off her niqab in class  in order facilitate interaction with her peers, or take the class online. She opted to leave the class.

It seems that the niqab doesn't only cause problems in the west. It seems to lead to cases of  false advertising. (text of the article below)

Man claims fiancee hid beard under niqab

* By Bassam Za'za', Senior Reporter
* Published: 00:00 February 10, 2010
* Gulf News

An Arab ambassador said he decided to call off his wedding immediately after he discovered that his wife-to-be, who wears a niqab, was bearded and cross-eyed.

Dubai: An Arab ambassador said he decided to call off his wedding immediately after he discovered that his wife-to-be, who wears a niqab, was bearded and cross-eyed.

The ambassador claimed that the bride's mother deceived his mother, when she went to see his Gulf national wife-to-be, by showing her pictures of the bride's sister.

The Arab man, who also holds the title of minister plenipotentiary, claimed to a Sharia court judge in Dubai that the bride's family showed his mother photos of the bride's sister and not the woman he was going to marry.

Sources close to the case told Gulf News that the groom only saw the woman a few times. He did not realise that she had a beard because she wore the niqab the few times he met her, added the source.

"Every time the couple met, the bride would do her best not to reveal her entire face. After the ambassador and the woman, who is a physician, signed the marriage contract, the groom was sitting with the bride… he claimed to the Sharia court officials that when he wanted to kiss his wife-to-be, he discovered that she was bearded and cross-eyed as well," claimed the source.

The ambassador then decided to call off the wedding party and lodged a divorce claim alleging that he was tricked by his parents-in-law and incurred emotional and moral damage.

In his lawsuit, the groom also asked the bride to repay him his Dh500,000, the amount which he claimed he spent on jewellery, clothes and gifts.

During the trial, the bride asked the judge to dismiss the groom's lawsuit and demanded him to pay her alimony after the Arab called off the wedding party.

Gulf News also learnt that the ambassador requested the Sharia court to refer the Gulf national woman to a specialist to have her examined for hormonal deficiencies.

The court referred the bride to a specialist who countered the ambassador's claims and reported that she did not suffer any hormonal problems.

The court divorced the couple and rejected the groom's request that the pre-marriage gifts be returned.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

The mysterious disappearing meme...

is back.  So I figured I should post the damn thing before it disappears again...

1. What are your current obsessions?

I obsess over many things, not least why I'm obsessing over one thing rather than another.

2. Who would you most like to have dinner with?

Whoever is willing to pay for dinner at a fancy restaurant with expensive wine.

3. Last dream you had?

I was wading through a lake of blood and body parts. I was carrying a machete. Conclude what you will.

4. Last thing you bought?

Dinner in an expensive restaurant

5. What are you listening to?

Why must we always be listening to something in these damn things. No! I don't have music on, I'm not obsessed by having music on, despite the fact that yes, I do own an iPod! I'm not listening to anything. I'm hearing the ventilation system, colleagues chatting, a chair creaking. Silence. Blessed silence would be nice now and again. Why are people so afraid of silence, what is it they're afraid of? Do they think if the iPod or the TV isn't blasting it means they don't exist?

Rant over

6. If you were a god/goddess who would you be?

Well, duh. Bachhus

7. Favorite holiday spots?

Anwwhere but my desk

8. Reading right now?

This meme? ok, Iran, les rives du sang by Fariba Hachtroudi

9. Four words to describe yourself.

Right now? Lazy, hungry, bored... i can't find anything else, I'm too bored

10. Guilty pleasure?

As if I'd tell you

11. Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak?

I'm never weak

12. Favorite spring thing to do?

Gloat that winter is over

13. Planning to travel to next?

France in May. Unless it doesn't work, in which case who knows?

14. Best thing you ate or drank lately?

Yesterday's black truffle risotto

15. When did you last get tipsy?

Tipsy? Ridiculous word. Last weekend. And I saw a great t-shirt at that party:

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

16. Favorite ever films?

I took the liberty of adding an s to film - LOTR, One flew over the cuckoo's nest and Blade Runner. I think

17. Care to share some wisdom?

Life will eventually kill you, don't take it seriously

18. What item could you not live without?


19. Thing you are looking forward to?

The end of this damn day

20. What’s your favorite smell?

Currently? Black truffle risotto

21. If you didn’t live where you do, where would you choose to live?

Probably the American south-west. In the desert out there.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Sunday at the cottage

Sometimes something great happens. For no reason at all. For instance, you walk by the patio door and there, sitting in a tree, not 15 feet from you is a barred owl. Nothing like Ian's Great Horned Owl, but nevertheless stunning. And there he sat, posing. Such a beautiful creature.

Look at his eyes, Barred owls are, apparently the only brown-eyed owls. He let me take several pictures before turning around and soaring away. I've seen plenty of cool birds at the cottage, but this is a first...

And then, on the way home we stopped at the spa. They have a thing for buddhas at this spa, and I thought they looked pretty cool in the snow.


And the mysterious disappearing meme is back.  But that's for another day.