Thursday, October 25, 2007

School Daze

The end of last week was spent on the school bench - a place I haven't been in a long long time. As when I was there for real, a part of the time was spent daydreaming and scribbling and writing notes. And correspondence.



Dear Teacher,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a database course. If we aren't going to be linking web pages to our databases because of security issues, why are you spending so much time on this. Why are you going on and on and on about VBA (VPA? - see how intersted I am?) language programming if we're not going use it. Why are you wasting my time????

Quizzically,

Jazz

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Dear Teacher,

On second thought, thanks for wasting my time; this way I don't feel guilty about all the wasted time. It's your fault.

Thankfully,

Jazz

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Dear Idiot in Class,

Please stop asking really really stupid questions. The teacher just explained that in detail. In much detail. In excruciating detail. In detail beyond any detail I have ever seen. Get with the program.

A word of advice: Stop answering your gmail and LISTEN!

If not, I will be obliged to slap you.

Frustratedly,

Jazz

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Dear Colleague of Mine,

You are in a class. Shut your damn cell phone. Do not let it ring. And if you've forgotten to turn it off, do so the moment it rings. Do not answer and start whispering. I don't care if it's your spouse. Spouse can take care of things until you're on break. You have a message box, use it. Your behaviour is incredibly rude and annoying for the rest of us.

Keep it up and I might have to slap you too.

On edgedly,

Jazz

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Dear Cafeteria Cash Register Lady,

Yes, this is a book on my tray. I put it there so I could pull out my wallet. No you do not sell books, you only sell food, you are, after all, working in a cafeteria. If I had put my shoe on the tray would you have looked for a price? (All things considered, probably).

You work in a University cafeteria. Do you never see people with books here? What planet are you from?

Mind boggledly,

Jazz

12 comments:

Too_Lively said...

I love it when you write random letters. I am glad, though, they are never addressed to me. :)

Ian Lidster said...

As they said to Kotter, 'Welcome back.'
Loved your anecdotes and utterly agree. But, rudeness and self-indulgence is the new ethic. What a wonderful world in which we find ourselves.

pissed off patricia said...

Is Rudy one of your classmates? Only he would be so rude as to take a call during a political speech or in a class room.

ticknart said...

That last letter, that was something I spent a lot of time explaining, too. Still don't understand where they thought I got it from surrounded by bagels and soda.

somewhere joe said...

Was it a cookbook?

Note to self: substitute "mind boggledly" for "respectfully" from now on when writing to political representatives.

geewits said...

Why does your blog keep eating my comments? I left one here about 10 hours ago!

I think it was about how funny that last one was. I was picturing the weird old lunchroom lady from "Archie Comics" looking all over your book for a price tag.

I can't even imagine someone answering a phone in a classroom and whispering into it. That's hideous!

Tai said...

LOL! I love these!
Mind boggledly...that's brilliant.

Jocelyn said...

What I know for sure is that I really don't want to be where you have been.

Poo on 'em all.

Susan Tuttle said...

It's been a while since college for me--graduated in '94--I've wondered how lectures have changed from when I attended. Do most students take notes on laptops these days? Do cell phones ring constantly, or are students pretty good at shutting them off--or do they put them on vibrate, and then procede to talk during the lecture? Just wondering.

Susan

Phil said...

It would be interesting to write an entire novel in this format.

Dave said...

Jazz, I would love to be in your class as a fly on the wall just so I could see for myself all the clowns there! Too funny! LOL

Jazz said...

Dear Too Lively - All you have to do is give me a reason to write you...

Ian - But rudeness and self indugence were key to this entry...

PoP - Actually Rudy was a girl. Rudette?

Ticknart - ya just gotta wonder, eh?

Joe - Nope, it was a novel. And it wasn't even a food centered novel.

Geewits - At least you aren't alone. Blogger is eating my comments these days too.

Tai - I wouldn't go so far as brilliant. Highly witty perhaps? OK then, brilliant.

Jocelyn - Poo indeed.

Susan - I graduated in 83 - it was a "you've been volunteered by the office to learn everything there is to know about Access" class. So I wouldn't know how they do it now either.

Phil - Be my guest. Actually it has been done, I read a novel once that was done completely in email format.

Dave - Yeah, really. Clowns indeed.