Monday, September 10, 2007

Other things I've done...

After this morning’s incident in the bathroom, I figured I’d do another list of things I’ve done, this one being the cringe worthy list (Some or most of these might have made it to my blog before, but I simply cannot be bothered to go trolling through the whole thing in order to find out. I'm lazy like that.) :

  • This morning I managed to burn my eyelid. I was drying my hair and somehow poked myself in th eye with the business end of the blowdryer. You know how it’s got a metal screen on the front? Yeah, I tried to brand myself…
  • I’ve managed to practically sink a pedal boat (I could link to this story but again, I'm truly way to lazy to be bothered), but y’all know about that.
  • I’ve also walked through a restaurant door. A plate glass door. Shattered it. Bang. Ouch. Much mayhem and many flustered waiters ensued. They opened the second door and escorted me to my table. Probably because they were afraid I'd walk through that one too. Not a good idea in January in Montreal. The restaurant would've been a tad chilly after that.
  • I pretty much flipped myself over a subway turnstile once when I swiped my card through too quickly. More quickly than the signal could make it to the turnstile obviously. Idjit.
  • I’ve put a scarf through the office shredder – while it was around my neck – about a month after I started my job. They still talk about it. Embarassing doesn't even begin to cover it.
  • I walked into the plate glass door at the office (I have a thing for plate glass doors dontcha know). I saw the outside door was open so I simply assumed the inside door was open too. It wasn’t. Again, ouch.
  • I’ve flown off a horse – when it turned right at full gallop I continued straight. It's an interesting feeling, flying is. I wonder if that's how birds feel, execpt for the landing of course.
  • I've stepped on my skirt and fallen to my knees while boarding a bus. At rush hour, of course. Paying hommage to the bus driver perhaps.
  • I've burned myself on ovens and wood burning stoves too many times to count.
  • I've also sliced and diced myself more often than I care to remember, including the time I pushed the lawn mower over my foot.

I’m a danger to myself. Sometimes I wonder how I made it to 46.


19 comments:

Lhianon said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one...

Josie said...

I'm sorry, Jazz... I'm laughing too hard.

You sound just like me. I walked into a lamp post, passing Eric Clapton on the street, and almost put my eye out. Did he notice? Yes. Was I embarrassed?

*sigh*

Rhea said...

Do you consider yourself clumsy, unlucky or you just don't think much about it?

Ian Lidster said...

I, for one, am happy you've made it to your age, and I hope you get another 46 at least. So, you'll just have to start being careful as I like your company and am sure there are others who do, as well.

Big Brother said...

You were always the clutzy one in the family. How about your electromagnetic aura, when your swatch watch would go backwards and you'd make every magnetic detector in stores go off.

Happily Anonymous said...

If you don't have glasses I'd recommend them....lol

Jazz said...

Lhia - well at least I'm not alone

Josie - For some reason I've never walked into a lamp post. I read while walking on the street all the time and I've never walked into anything. I must have some sort of reading radar.

Rhea - I don't think much about it. I guess I'm just a klutz.

Ian - Thanks for the heads up, but I'm not sure I'd want to make it to 92.

BB - Oh yeah, that. But then the magnetic thing doesn't make me a danger to myself. Unless some overzealous shop security guard tackles me when I set of the alarm and bashes my head in.

HA - I've been wearing glasses since I was five. Maybe that's the problem...

Dave said...

Can I interest you in some life insurance? LOL

Don't take this personally but While reading your post, I got to thinking of Mr. Bean! I wish I was a fly on your wall!

Take care of yourself okay? ;-)

ticknart said...

So, did the scarf go alll the way through the shredder or did it get yanked out?

Evil Spock said...

OMG! With that many close calls, maybe you do have superpowers! Evil Spock recommends foiling muggings and bank robberies to see if bullets bounce off your chest.

Em said...

Heavens, turning 47 seems like a 50/50 proposition, at best.

Voyager said...

You pushed a lawn mower over your foot? And you still have the foot? You're not just a klutz, you are incredibly lucky! But a lotto ticket.
V.

Dan said...

How is it that you are still alive?

geewits said...

I would LOVE to see you flipping over the turnstile. Maybe they have security cameras there and it made its way to youtube?

From now on, be careful.

Tai said...

Ian took the words right out of my mouth!
Stop walking into plate glass windows, please!

Jazz said...

Dave - I obviously have no need for life insurance. I am immune from all harm! HA!

Ticknart - The shredder was stopped, put into reverse (which no doubt exists only for people like me) and the scarf was thrown in the trash. I'm dumb but I have good reflexes which probably saved me more than once.

Evil Spock - Damn, now all I have to do is find me a bank robber.

Em - You know, I never thought of it that way. Now I'm scared.

Voyager - I just lost about half my toenail. And it doesn't work with the lotto. My guardian imp's job seems to be only to keep me alive. Which must be a lot of work actually.

Dan - it's the imp

Geewits - this was way before YouTube. No way!

Tai - No plate glass can resist me!

CS said...

Okay, I hate to laugh at your misery, but I so relate. A couple of years ago I told my mother that the neuroogist I'd seen had made a joke about my broken nose (or more specifically, the bump in the bridge of it), and she said, "Oh. honey - that's hereditary. I have that same bump, and so does your oldest sister and so does your brother. It runs in the family." I said, "That's because we've all broken our noses - maybe clumsiness runs in the family!"

Toni Toni Toni said...

This is seriously one of the best blog posts I've ever read. Ha!!

Dorky Dad said...

Geez, are we related or something? Because all that sounds like stuff I'd do ...