Friday, September 21, 2007

The Seven Ps

The Seven Samourai would have sounded much better, but I didn’t choose the meme. Ian tagged me on this one. The idea is to come up with your thoughts on seven (seven?!?!) words beginning with P. I wonder who started this. It’s a completely evil exercise for a Friday morning at 7:45. But since I was searching around for a blog I guess I’ll give it a try.

Penis(Aw, c'mon, you have to admit this is a really cool cake! Geez, I wonder if it'll show up on Blogger Play)

I know, penis is easy. But I like ‘em. Well, I really really like one of ‘em. The others I envy. Yes indeedy. Penis envy. How can you not envy an apparatus that allows you, when nature calls very very urgently to just whip out said apparatus and do your business? That allows you, when you’re snowshoeing at -20 (Celsius or Farenheit makes no difference at that temperature) to not have to bare your blindingly white ass – which, come to think of it can serve as camouflage in this case – and freeze it off in order to answer nature’s call? I rest my case.

Parenthood – I never felt the call. I don’t think I’d have made a bad mother, mind you, but at the same time the whole giving birth thing seems more than a little, well….um… horrific to me. Popping a watermelon out of my cootchie does not strike me as a good time. As for the sleepless nights, the tantrums, adolescence…I can barely direct my own life, let alone someone else’s. This being said, I love kids, I love watching them grow and develop, I love playing with them and talking with them. Just not full time.

Parthenogenesis – Thank god this isn’t how humans reproduce, if only because I really like having fun with that first item on the list. Plus I really like this word even thought I don't have much in the way of thoughts on it.

Popularity – I was never one of the popular ones. I was a total nerd/geek in high school. The one who got picked on. The one with almost zero friends. How I envied the popular kids – the jocks, the pretty girls – all those Friday and Saturday nights reading Tolkein in my room. How I fantasized about suddenly becoming one of them. At university, things were a bit better, though not by much. It helped that there weren’t that many of us in translation and we were always together anyway so once is a while my sarcasm had a chance to shine with people who could actually appreciate it. And eventually I grew up and figured that hell, it must be sorta sad when the high point of your life is high school and that things go downhill after that. Now I realize that that probably wasn’t the case, yesterday's cool people are still today’s cool people in most cases. And I still have days where I envy them.

Plants – I’ve never been good with plants. Usually I manage to kill them within a couple of months. Except for Lucky Bamboo. I’ve had one on my desk for over a year now and it’s thriving. I had to transplant it into a pot of earth because it was growing out of its pot of water. It's a mutant. Now there are three "babies" coming out. I’m gonna be a grandmother! The mind boggles.

Penultimate – Next to last. I’ve made it this far. I was wracking my brain at first, but all in all this went really well. I’m always surprised at how these memes start out terribly difficult and then stuff just tumbles out of my brain. I guess I need direction to blog. I need to be told what to do. I’m the perfect little drone, not a leader. I don’t think I could have my own company – I’d never get anything done. I’d just sit there staring blankly at my computer screen… Now, a last one and I have to get my ass to work.

Plano, Texas – Next week at this time I’ll be on a plane to Dallas. To see a friend I haven’t seen in a couple of years. Oh, look at that, her name beings with P, would that make eight? Yeah. So. I haven’t seen her in a couple of years, she moved from Arizona, where once she was Mr. Jazz’s cousin’s girlfriend who I started emailing with way before we ever met (on Mr. Jazz’s insistence. He told me after meeting her, "this woman is a really good friend of yours"). When she and the cousin separated and she moved to CA we visited her there a few times. Now she’s married to a really awesome guy and is living in Plano and it’s been way too long since I’ve seen her. And I can’t wait for next Friday. Plus, while I’m there, I’ll be meeting Geewits!


- Big Brother because I like to make life hard on him,

- Geewits because she's in my head alot since we're meeting soon,

- Evil Spock because his mind works in mysterious ways,

- Jocelyn because her answers will no doubt be good for a giggle,

- and Choochoo because maybe this will entice Bergerac home.


Ian Lidster said...

I thought of some penile reflecting when I was doing mine, but since I am so familiar with the accoutrement I decided to refrain. If I had been dealing with the letter V I would have had more fun.
Otherwise, sweet lady, love your wit and assuredly your wisdom about this eclectic array of P-words. Like your choices of taggees, too.

Em said...

Ive read several folks doing this meme...I even did it. And the temptation was great. Congratulations for finally doing the obvious P. LOL

Jocelyn said...

Okay, dearie, I'll see if I'm up to it (at my usual glacial pace of response, no doubt). Your words are wonderful and tremendous, and I imagine you had a a hell of a time seeking out that photo of the penis cake.

geewits said...

You are a very dirty girl. If People had known, you WOULD have been Popular!

Jazz said...

Ian - This blog is brought to you by the letters P and V and the numbers 6 and 9 (Ah, how I loved Sesame Street).

Em - I'm the first you've seen who did the "obvious" P? Well obviously, obvious to the two of us.

Jocelyn - Actually I've had the penis cake for a long while. I've been searching forever for a blog to use it in though! Mission accomplished.

Geewits - so that's why they were so popular!

Big Brother said...

See there are advantages to outside plumbing, but it does make it more painful when you fall on the bar of your bike... I should say thanks for passing on the joy but now I'll have to spend the weekend thinking.

Voyager said...

It was just my birthday, but my cake did not look like that. Damn! I have to admit Jazz, I kind of like them too. No, not the cakes.
Have fun in Plano.

somewhere joe said...

The secret of great cuisine... presentation is everything.

Jazz said...

BB - I have fallen on the bar of my bike. Even though the plumbing is inside it was horrifically painful. At least your outside plumbing cushions the bones...

Voyager - It would've made a really cool birthday cake. I would've loved to see the faces of the people in the ritzy hotel ;-)

Joe - I particularly liked the little ring. Presentation is indeed everything.

Happily Anonymous said...

One of the few memes I've found amusing.

Dave said...

It's amazing how much one can learn about the letter "P!" Sort of reminds me of when my kids and I used to watch Sesame Street... Well... errr... Not the first word though! LOL

I suppose another thing men can do that women can't do is write in the snow during their snowshoeing break! :-)

Evil Spock said...

Seven P's, eh?

Puerile: Evil Spock is often accused of being puerile, or very child-like. Evil Spock accuses those folks of being jackasses.

Puritanical: Evil Spock assumes that many of those who call Evil Spock puerile, are actually puritanical.

Perverts: And those who are puritanical, are probably closet perverts.

Prada: And in those closets are also drab Prada clothing. Evil Spock prefers Givenchy and Donna Karan.

Pricey: Though, Evil Spock's taste in clothes can be quite pricey.

Poverty: Evil Spock will be driven to poverty, if Evil Spock doesn't get Evil Spock's clothes obsession under control.

Prostitution: Or Evil Spock will have to resort to tricking in bathrooms for the likes of US Congressmen to pay for Evil Spock's addictions.

Jazz said...

HA - Thanks, I aim to please

Dave - Yeah, it made me think of Sesame Street to in a completely screwed up sort of way. Today,s blog was brought to you by the letter P and the number 7.

Evil S - See, I knew you'd find a way to make me laugh out loud.