Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Q&A #3

While I was blogged out last week I received several questions, 'cause I guess people are nice that way about helping me out. Although more probably they gave me the questions to shut up my whining already.

Rhea over at The Boomer Chronicles asked me: "What is your favourite yoga position?"

That would be it right there*, presupposing of course that I had enough flexibility to actually do yoga without shattering into a million shiny shards.

'Cause pretty much that's what would happen. I would pretzelize myself and explode.

I've been thinking of doing trying muddling my way into yoga for some months now. Actually since my friend S came back from San Francisco. She and her man are avid yoga-ers. I'm told it's good for relaxation and to focus your mind (that's an interesting concept right there, actually being focused).It's good for flexibility (as proof : that girl there who is so not me). Besides, I'd have the perfect excuse to buy a really cool, expensive and apparently wonderfully comfortable pair (of the I'll-never-take-these-off-again-so-don't-even-try-to-get-me-out-of-them-because-I'd-have-to-hurt-you-real-bad variety) of Lululemon yoga pants. That alone might get me into the yoga thing. How very shallow of me, yep.

I'm not sure how I'd do with yoga though, for several reasons.

As I mentioned, flexibility is not my strong suit. At. All. I'm probably a touch less flexible than a steel bar, so sitting on a mat downward dogging, saluting the sun, cameling, full one-legged king pigeoning, scorpioning like that girl there, and generally tying my legs in knots behind my head would not be among the most relaxing activities for me. The names of the poses are a cool though, especially the "full one-legged king pigeon"...

Then of course there's the meditation aspect of yoga. I've tried to meditate. You know the whole, "gently push your thoughts away as the float through your mind" thing. My thoughts don't float through, they jump in like kids dive bombing in a pool, sink to the bottom and float up again. I found myself screaming "go away, I'm trying to gently push you out and you won't leave!! Go before I have to hurt you!!!" inside my head and metaphorically going after my thoughts with a machete, trying to hack them to bits. I believe that sort of defeats the purpose, right?

The last time I took up an physical activity in order to relax it was Tai Chi. Interesting experience. All those slow choreographed movements. By the end of the class I wanted to run screaming from the room in frustration. Damn, it should take only about 10 seconds to do those ridiculous little dances rather than over a minute each. As though the whole point was to waste as much time as possible. I dropped out. I think I must've been negatively vibing the class. And I felt guilty at not feeling super relaxed like the rest of them claimed to be by the end of class. This said, I'm sure several of them were lying through their teeth. Probably even the teacher.

And yet, despite my frustration with "lets-all-be-mindful-and-zen-and-new-agey-and-drink-weird-ass-teas-rather-than-the real-black-stuff-with-caffeine" activites, I'm not outside running around and playing basketball. Nope I'm probably the laziest person on the face of the planet. Go figure.

Um, yeah, so ... yoga. Sorry Rhea, I haven't quite gotten to yoga yet. I seem to have had a bit of trouble focusing on your question there. Oops.

* I seem to be going all black and white pics these days. I'm getting artsy in my old age...


pissed off patricia said...

I'm reading this and laughing because it was as though you were writing about me. Yoga seems a beautiful thing, but I'm not so sure I wouldn't get tied in a know if I tried it. I do like the outfit though. :)

Big Brother said...

Somehow thinking about you doing Tai Chi or yoga. Sitting there serenely meditating... bwaaaahaaa, nope can't see it.

Rhea said...

The funny thing is, the very people who think yoga is not for them or too difficult for them (esp. the ones who say they can't meditate) are the ones who need it most. I speak from experience!!!!!

Jazz said...

POP - We are clones you and I

BB - Hell, I don't see it either, but I still would like to try if I were sure I wouldn't embarrass the hell outta myself. I have visions of a whole yoga class rolling around on their mats in gasping for breath as they laugh at me.

Rhea - Somehow I'm not surprised.

somewhere joe said...

I'm thinking about taking up yoga... and thinking.

You're not too stiff to do yoga - it's supposed to confer flexibility, not presuppose it. Some adepts even believe that you shouldn't even start yoga until you're old enough to have it make a difference. So don't count yourself out yet. I, however, plan to wait til I seize up a little more.

Ian Lidster said...

I wrote a brilliant and droll response to this and the #@$%^& (squiggles are euphemistic repesentations of the expletive 'fucking') thing ate it.
It was good. You would have really liked it. Oh well.

Em said...

I've done some yoga and lived to tell about it. But I certainly didn't do what she is doing! Some things just aren't supposed to be done to the body.

Voyager said...

My little sister is a yoga instructor. She has given B and I private classes when she visits, and she considers it akin to her religion. I'm too impatient for it. Which probably means I need it. But I prefer a good book.

Jazz said...

Joe - I'm thinking I might have reached the point of no return

Ian - You could've reproduced it. Hmmmph. I want brilliance, I want drollness. Watch me whine.

Em - But did you wear the hot looking Lululemon yoga pants?

Voyager - Ok, who cloned you off me? Huh??? Can I read a good book wearing yoga pants? That would put me close, right? Or is that anathema to yogis?

Josie said...

"This said, I'm sure several of them were lying through their teeth. Probably even the teacher."

I think there is a lot of truth to that! I tried Tai Chi a couple of times, and after all those "gentle movements", I couldn't believe how much I was sweating. It's really difficult, and not the least bit relaxing. If people really want to relax, they should just pour a glass of wine and soak in a hot bathtub.

Jocelyn said...

Yoga was a revelation for me--not much meditation to it (I couldn't have stood the woo-woo aspect) but rather one hell of a sweaty, shakey workout.

There is, though, a weird woo-woo side effect: you actually feel all cleansed inside (yoga: the great laxative!) and as though knots you didn't know you had have disappeared.

Seriously? Ya oughta try it.

geewits said...

Several years ago I bought a yoga beginner tape. I thought I would like yoga. When I was 19, my left arm (the humerus, ha ha!) was broken in half and set in such a manner that 1)it is not aligned correctly and 2)makes my left arm shorter than my right arm. Yoga? It is made for symmetrical people.