Friday, September 18, 2009

Amazing Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. (Though, isn't it as easy for us to put it down as it is for them to put it up??)

3. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed fro a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can's fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.



VioletSky said...

#5 made me laugh a little too much.

Rachel said...

Yanno, I'm with the guys on the whole toilet seat issue. Why should the be the only ones responsible for the state of the toilet? I mean, its not that hard to look before you sit and to put down the seat before you sit! THEY have to lift before they pee, why should they also lower it when we can do it ourselves?

As a feminist, I say I have the ability to do it myself, and as an egalitarian humanist with a sense of personal responsibility, I say I have the moral obligation to do it myself.

Yeah, I'm posting this on my blog. Thanks, Jazz!

Gaelyn said...

LOL, I love them all. My house would certainly fall apart if not for duct tape and bailing wire. Thanks for the pick me up this morning.

geewits said...

These are great! As for the toilet seat, I don't understand the question about it. After using the bathroom, people of both sexes should be putting down everything including the lid before flushing. If you are not closing the lid, you are sending tiny little drops of God knows what all over your bathroom every time you flush. That's what the lid is for even though most people think it is just a convenient step stool for the bathroom. And if you don't believe me about the droplets spraying out, start using your lid and you will find that you have to clean it quite often.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Great way to start the weekend Jazz!! Thanks. Too funny.

Warty Mammal said...

This was good for a chuckle!

Thank you for getting my weekend off to a good start.

Jocelyn said...

I'm such a guy. I totally will pee in a sink, if need be.

Sure, hopping down afterwards is a bit awkward, but don't I feel better for my efforts?

choochoo said...

funny! I had a cat that did her business in the sink. I guess the toilet seat was just too heavy for her.

lime said...

what a hoot of a list. cracked me up. the mousetrap one really made me wince though, especially since i am the queen of the snooze alarm.

as for the toilet seat debate, to my way of thinking it shoudl nto be an issue. put the whole thing, lid and all, down before you flussh because do you really want the toilet spray all over the toothbrushes? ICK!

Pouty Lips said...

But's cold and wet when I fall into the toilet in the middle of the night and have to be pulled out with a crowbar.

Jazz said...

Violetsky - Actually that one made me laugh the most too.

Rachel - Ah, the toilet seat, polarizer of relationships everywhere... Go figure.

Gaelyn - Duct tape rules!

Geewits - You mean it's not a step stool? But yeah, I don't really see the whole big thing about the seat. Just close the damn thing.

Bonnie - You're most welcome

WM - I aim to please.

Joce - You would? And here I thought I was the only woman ever to pee in a sink - 'cause you know, sometimes a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do.

Choochoo - ALL her business?

Lime - Well, seeing as my toilet is in a separate room, it would be hard pressed to spray my toothbrushes but yeah, the seat isn't just for decoration is it?

Pouty - Well, I think if you scream loud enough in the middle of the night the message will get through.

XUP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
XUP said...

Ha ha ha. And ha ha ha to Violetsky, too. And I completely agree with Geewits and Lime about putting all the seats down after you've done your business and before you flush EACH and EVERY time. That's what they're for. Otherwise fecal matter, ecoli and other bacteria get sprayed all over your bathroom -- on your toothbrush, hairbrush, in your bathtub. That stuff can fly like 20 feet or something.

secret agent woman said...

I think since men use the toilet both ways, they should put the damned seat down. Why should I have to touch it?

Jeaux said...

Duct tape and WD40 - never go anywhere without 'em.

mrwriteon said...

To your indispensables I would add Windex. That stuff cleans everything. Every guy knows that.

We used to play a game in which we would offer horrid illness combinations, with the grossest being diarrhea and whooping cough.