Thursday, December 14, 2006

And now, for something completely different

Today I thought I'd bring you an important news story. Important news stories always go over really well. So here, from the Weekly World News, purveyors of fine news since… oh, who knows, is the gist of the story (I was gonna reproduce it in full for y'all, but apparently that would violate copyright laws and the WWN could sue me for everything I'm worth and I'd end up living in a sewer under the city, breeding with aliens and in a bizarre twist of fate, eventually, I'd be the headliner in one of their issues).

So, the planchette from a ouija board went crazy recently. No seriously! It did!!! C'mon, this is serious, five people were actually injured, one seriously... (note the copious use of the word serious in order to denote just how serious this is!)

See, what happened was, two kids using a ouija board - to their eventual dismay - channelled the spirit of a deceased English teacher. At the end of an independent clause the spirit went insane, ripped the planchette out of their hands, through the window and went tearing down the interestate, pursued by police, 'cause them cops? they have our safety at heart and rogue ouija board planchettes? Them's dangerous stuff. The planchette/spirit, as it turns out, was in search of....

A semicolon!*

Eventually the plastic thingy settled onto a copy of the World Weekly News** someone was reading in a coffee shop (thank god for WWN and its grammatical use of semicolons!) and finished it's sentence. Unfortunately, no one was there to read it since the reader, poor woman, ended up with third degree burns because the planchette upset her coffee all over her lap.***

If you want to read this article, with all the details and suspense here's a link to the story .

All in all, being something of a grammar whore, I can totally sympathise with the planchette.

* 'Cause dude, you need a semicolon at the end of an independant clause. You knew that. Didn't you?

** Surprise, surprise!

*** Well obviously if youre coffee is that hot, you're going to need to read the World Weekly News until it cools down!


Big Brother said...

Lil siter you definately have too much time on your hands. What next, seeing Elvis at you local dépanneur?

Big Brother said...

That should read Lil' sister

Jazz said...

BB - you're so damn cynical. Everyone knows Elvis is dead, but flying ouija board pieces! THAT is news...