Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The thing about global warming

I remember last year when winter arrived in mid-January. That had me believing that global warming was an immediate danger - like, this is my winters from here on... YAY.... oops... Damn that is horrendous!!!.

In my defense, it's hard to think of global warming as a disaster when you spend six months out of the year freezing*. This year we had our first snowstorm Monday, and it's been snowing non-stop ever since. So much for global warming. It was nice while it lasted.

This being said we all know the real reasons for global warming have nothing to do with humans. It's all about cow farts. If cows didn't fart we could pollute as much as we damn well please and there would be no consequences at all.

And yet...

That was, if not a downright lie, at least a subtle twisting of the truth. Because there are two human activities which cause global warming: refrigerating beer and divorce .

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars at work. Global warming is not about the limitless pollution created by heavy industry. It's all about beer guzzling divorcés who go into fields and picnic while watching the cows fart.


*Please don't throw rocks at me for valuing my comfort over the wellbeing of millions, I'm not really that clueless. At least most of the time.

PS - Speaking of global warming, Big Brother has an interesting post up on the carbon footprint of the Bali conference. I guess cynicism runs in the family.

11 comments:

geewits said...

If there's one thing I know, it's that people always blame the beer drinkers. Yeah, we may have stained the carpet, dented the car and called you at 2:30 a.m. to talk about something that happened 16 years ago, but we DID NOT cause global warming!

furiousBall said...

that's fine, just as long as this global warming thing doesn't make my beer warm when i go cow fart watching in the fields

ticknart said...

The most frightening argument against global warming I've heard came from the guy who sits across from me here at work. He doesn't believe in global warming because science hasn't been around for the past ten thousand years.

Tai said...

If a cow farts in a field, and no one is picnicing in that field, does it affect the ozone layer?

The brain, it boggles!

Hageltoast said...

apparently recycling my plastic bottles once in a while won't save the planet? Also apparently taxing car drivers more heavily in the UK will save the planet, seriously? Its not about money then, it's about saving the planet?

Dan said...

Suppose we feed the cows the beer? Would they fart more or less?

You go and try it.

mikster said...

I'm avoiding fields from now on. Problem solved.

Dave said...

Yes! Blame it on the drinkers!! LOL We could blame it on the cows but like that wouldn't make any difference anyways! Enjoyable post... :-)

Ian Lidster said...

I knew I loved you and your wisdom for good reason. Damn cow farts! Interestingly, though, I just read the other day that last year, rather than being the warmest on record (which it should have been if GW is traveling at the velocity Fat Al Gore says it is) was actually the 7th warmest on record. But, I'm with you, I want palm trees and bougainvillia springing up everywhere.

Jocelyn said...

Good think I like warm beer and love my husband.

Couldn't have been me, out on that picnic blanket.

Palm Springs Savant said...

you said cow farts... :-O