Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Winter Wonderland...

I want to know which moron came up with that particular phrase?

I mean seriously, winter wonderland?Perhaps in Tahiti or Arizona, but Montreal? Not so much...

I could understand spring wonderland with all those leaves popping out, or summer wonderland with the heat and the greenery and long evenings on the patio. I can even get fall wonderland, with the leaves turning and all.

But winter wonderland? Nope.

What is so wondelandish about winter? It's all brown and grey and white, not to mention slushy. OK, granted there are those blue shadows mixed into the snow drifts and the sky, when it's sunny (and thus really cold, another point against it), is quite an amazing blue, but blue shadows and sky do not a wonderland make.

It's cold, it's frigid. There's no moisture in the air and you dry out like an old husk of corn (ok, wonderland maybe for moisturizer companies). Your fingers freeze, your toes freeze, your damn brain freezes when you stand on the corner of St. Catherine and Greene waiting for the light.

Dressing to go outside is a pain, what with the boots and the hats and the coats and the gloves and the numerous layers.

And to add insult to injury, don't ask me why, but washrooms in most Montreal restaurants are glacial. For some reason they don't seem to be heated. Baring one's ass in there is scary. How do you explain a frostbitten ass?

The only good thing I can see about it is that the birds are much easier to see.

Jack Frost nipping at my nose doesn't do much for me.


Rhea said...

'Winter Wonderland' only applies if you can sit inside all day sipping hot cocoa and watching the snowflakes gently drift down and settle on the pastoral scene outside your window. When you have to haul yer ass to work and get the car started and all manner of crap like that, it ain't no Wonderland.

pissed off patricia said...

The weather guy said we are going to have some winter weather beginning Saturday night. The lows will be in the 50s. That's winter wonderland-ish enough for me. Still have to wear sun screen when going outside for any length of time though.

paula said...

Oooh...So true! That's why I tried to pretty-up the snow-dump we had in the photos I took. And funny you should mention the birds. I noticed the same thing yesterday, watching the flocks of starlings in the trees and the woodpecker lurking around the neighbor's house. No leaves to obstruct my view...of anything. : /


furiousBall said...

I love cold weather, I know, makes no sense at all. I just do. So it was me. I'm the guy. *ducks for cover*

Hageltoast said...

I like winter, i lke coming home and curling up inside when it's cold and wet outside, I like the cold crisp early mornings, what i don't like is getting caught in cold wet winter misery, but this year summer was pretty much cold and wet too.

Maddy said...

I came here from England specifically to avoid 'weather.'

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

Tai said...

Frostbitten ass sounds painful.
You should move to BC.
No such thing as winter, just degrees of rain. And rain.
And more rain.
Josie'll back me up on that!

Dan said...

Winter Wonderland is perfect. When you're in it, you WONDER what it's like to be in Tahiti or Arizona.

Big Brother said...

I beg to disagree... well maybe in the city it isn't so hot but in the country, in the woods on a beautiful sunny day, it's glorious. The air is crisp and cold, with a bite to it. The sound of dry soft snow whispering under my x-country skis, the silence. Skiing in those conditions is almost like flying. There is also night skiing under a full moon, with the moonlight shining off the snow. Give me a cold, snowy winter any day.
What's so fun about summer when the only thing you can look forward to in 35 degree weather is heat rash... ughhh not for me.

Rachel said...

Got a storm coming in tomorrow. Blech. 6 to 10 inches. Blech.
Bad news is, I'll be driving home in the middle of it.

I grumble.

Dorky Dad said...

So you don't like winter then? Is that it? I can't tell. You need to be more clear in your posts.

Marie said...

Just be glad Jack Frost is only interested in your nose. I haven't met him yet myelf, but I'll be ready for him with my handy little butane torch. Creme brulee?

I.A.M.L. said...

I like the type of snow that you visit. You know, like you drive 2 hours (like from here to Whistler) and you ski, then you go back to your city, and there is no snow there.

I am beyond thankful to be on the west coast. I am too wimpy for the east coast.

yup, just thinking about that one....waaay too wimpy.

geewits said...

Okay I'm going to play sleazy tabloid reporter and call you out on the "no moisture in the air and you dry out like an old husk of corn." I can swear you once posted that you would love to live in a desert. Or did you just want to visit a desert? Like a perfectly normal sleazy tabloid reporter, I did not do my research.

You would have laughed at the Texans today. It was 42 degrees (5.555555 Canadian) here today. I wore a light sweatshirt. I saw people everywhere with layers and layers and giant winter coats. What would happen to those poor souls if they ever encountered actual cold weather?

Jazz said...

Rhea - That sounds about right

POP - I can only dream of 50 degree winter weather

Paula - so, did you see anything good in the neighbor's houses?

Furiousball - someone has to like it

Toast - So it's pretty much been a miserable year for you...

Maddy - Obviously, you were bright enough not to come to Montreal

Tai - That's the whole problem with Canada. The best you can hope for is rain rain and more rain. At least in the US you have a whole plethora (big word of the day) of states to choose from where it's sunny and warm.

Dan - I love that.

BB - we'll have to agree to disagree on that one brother mine. Besides, when it's all cold and extra crisp and the snow like a million diamonds, I have to haul out the old inhaler cause the asthma starts up again.

Rachel - if it's any consolation, we're expecting another dump here too. At least BB will be happy.

DD - Ya think?

Marie - Crème brulée sounds good.

IAML - yeah, I could deal with that sort of snow.

Geewits - Count on you to play devil's advocate. And yes, I'd love to live in Arizona. And yes, no doubt I'd dry out there too. But I'd dry out in warmth and sunshine, not from heating drying the air in the house. Dryness because of heat and sun I can deal with.

Ian Lidster said...

I don't need to iterate my feelings about winter, because you know them.
On the other hand, Jack Frost could nip at much more sensitive parts than your nose, so there is consolation.

Jocelyn said...

I'm with Dorky Dad: you need to get more firmly in touch with your opinions.

Obviously, those lyrics were written by someone who lived in the country; urban snow gets too ugly too fast.

mikster said...

My sentiments E.X.A.C.T.L.Y.

Em said...

I do love to look at the window at the snow...but it isn't so wonderful when I have to go out there with it.

choochoo said...

you wrap your whole head up in a scarf, like the mummy, and the cold still manages to get in. And then you fall over again and again 'cause it's icy. Wuhuuu.

Josie said...

Jazz, you'll have have to pack up and move to Vancouver. We've had another pineapple express roll in and it's above 50 degrees F. The downside is, as Tai said, rain, rain and more rain. In Vancouver it's either raining, it has just rained, or it is about to rain.

No winter wonderland here.

Anonymous said...

but it's so pretty!!!


silvergirlfromverywarmsouthernhemisphere location

Dave said...

I agree about the cold but I think it is worth the experience except for the driving of course! :-)

Jazz said...

Ian - Yeah, there's a consolation

Jocelyn - But even in the country, it's so.... damn... white!

Mikster - Yep, I knew I liked you for a reason

Em - Looking out the window I can deal with. I'd have to be able to never set foot outside for 6 months.

Choochoo - and you know all about that.

Josie - can't you just have sunshine? Then it'll be worth my while to go.

Silvergirl - I'm coming to your souther hemisphere in early April. YAY!

Dave - Don't get me started on driving in this!