Why did you eat yesterday's post? Why do you hate me so? Or alternatively, have I become such a spaz that I'm incapable of posting a simple diatribe?
Don't answer that.
Dear City of Montreal,
I've been puzzling over this issue for the past couple of weeks. Why did you lay down speed bumps in the alley?
As long as the alley is as busted up as it is, there is really no point. You can't drive over 10km/hr in that alley without actually taking the bottom out of your car. It's quicker to saunter through that alley than to drive it.
Yesterday I watched a car go over a speedbump and fall into a pothole the size of an ostritch nest on the other side.
You are wasting my tax dollars.
You are idiots.
Dear Fashion Magazines,
It's the end of June. Why is it that last week I received the AUGUST issue of your magazine?
I have finally been able to start wearing my summer clothes in the past month and you are showing me clothes for the fall.
I don't want to look at autumn/winter clothes. I don't care who the designer is, it's utterly ridiculous to be trying to sell me fall clothes right now.
I! DON'T! WANT! THEM!
And seriously, nor does anyone I know.
I know you did this issue six months ago, and as such, are perhaps a little disconnected from reality, but maybe you should try to plug into it sometime.
You are idiots too.
Dear Turkish Soccer Team,
I SOOOOOOOOOOO wanted you to win. But you put up a brillant fight for a team that wasn't supposed to make it out of the first round.
Thank you for some positiviely brilliant soccer games,
Dear German Soccer Team,
I hope you lose the final. Seriously.