Sunday, September 21, 2008

"D'you think there's a blog post....

... in this?" I asked him as he put the frying pan onto the BBQ.

"Um, yeah, pretty much", he answered.

We were up at the cottage Thursday evening. It was cold outside. I was preheating the oven so I could pop in the garlic bread.

A few minutes later I went into the kitchen to do the garlic bread popping thing. There was a bright light in the oven.

That light, it was Close Encounters bright.

"What the (insert your favourite swear word here, preferably the one beginning with F for total veracity)", I wondered. OK, I screeched.

Mr. Jazz arrived, intrigued, no doubt, by my hollering and carrying on. It was a bit too much carrying on for garlic bread. Even for me.

Then I opened the oven. The heating element was burning. No, not just burning.

On. Fire. On bright-white-soldering-iron-flame-with-sparks-flying-left-right-and-centre fire.

What's a girl to do? Turn off the oven obviously, right? Well, nope, not quite, 'cause it just kept on burning, the flame slowly - well actually not so slowly - advancing along the element. It had a hellish life of its own. When the oven is off, so should be the fire, dammit!

Rather than just wait and see what would happen, which maybe would not have been the best of ideas all in all (though it was fascinating to watch, actually), we moved the stove and unplugged it. Yeah, I know it would have been quicker to just unscrew the fuses, but by that time, impressed as I was by the flames I wasn't quite thinking straight. I got this thing about electrical fires burning inside the oven. Go figure.

So now we have the perfect cottage stove. Only 3 out of 4 burners work and now the oven is shot.

The next morning we tried to unscrew the element and it crumbled in our hands... That is just weird. Seriously. A heating element crumbling in your hands is beyond bizarre. But I digress.

Still and all, we had to finish cooking dinner. Hard to sautée pasta (yes, you read right, and it's delicious, add lots of cheese) without a working stove - we hadn't cottoned onto the idea of plugging it back in and unscewing the fuse for the oven yet. That only came up the next morning.

Note to all readers: A BBQ doesn't heat a frying pan enough to sautée pasta.

Nope, it doesn't. And to think we had just bought a new gas BBQ this summer. And figured, meh, no need for a side burner, when will we really use it? Cheapness isn't great when you'll be facing a stove fire within a few weeks.

Because you'll definitely need that stupid damn burner then.

The morasl of this story: You need the side burner and sautéed pasta beats the hell out of microwaved pasta.


Suzan Buckner said... we are soul mated through our frickin' ovens....mine "blew up" over a year ago..and only two eyes I go buy a new stove??? not spending my art supply money on something so silly..LOL..I just cook with 2 eyes..and keep plugging along...LOL

furiousBall said...

oh that stinks, those elements aren't too tough to replace thought, depending on the make and model of your oven. very glad you didn't have a bigger electrical problem tho!

Jazz said...

Suzan - I don't think I'll spend that long before getting a new stove.

Fuball - We tried to unscrew the element to take it out and replace it, but the fire seems to have soldered the dam screws ain't kno way anything's happening in there.

choochoo said...

burning garlic bread is definitly worth carrying on.

Garlic bread...


What was I talking about?

Here, There, Elsewhere... and more said...

What an adventure - never a dull moment "chez vous"..!
Charred or not I LOVE garlic bread..:)

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

Have you ever played 'The Simms'?

Last time I played, the oven caught on fire, and my Simms also caught on fire, and she ran screaming through the house with her roommates following her, screaming and screaming and screaming. Because I had not installed smoke detectors, the fire brigade never came, and I could only sit helpless as my beloved Simm was crispified in front of me. It was so traumatic that I haven't been able to play since.

Anyway, your post brought back that bad Simms memory. I thought I'd share.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, very exciting!

I was at a rental cabin once and the glass pan I put into the oven exploded in to thousands of little shards. It was impressive, I thought.

xup said...

Aw, I wish I had a dramatic fire story to share. The only fire I was ever involved with was at a hotel and it was an electrical fire, so it was all contained inside the walls -- it was still a smokey mess and we all had to evacuate, though. It was New Year's Eve and I couldn't find my shoes.

geewits said...

I'm glad that the worst thing that happened was that your oven no longer works. Fire is my greatest fear. A stove is replaceable. You are not.

Jazz said...

Choochoo - and life without garlic bread is not worth living.

HTE - You'd be surprised at just how many dull moments there are.

Kimber - aw, your poor dead Sim. You and choochoo seem to share an obsession.

Citizen - I did that. 'cept it was on a burner, and all the food got into it, and started burning, and the fire alarm went off, and smoke was everywhere. All in all it was a very trying Fridy evening.

XUP - you couldn't find your shoes? That's pretty dramatic.

Geewits - Damn girl, how sweet are you?!?!

Urban Animal said...

I can just visualize you guys... glad to hear you're ok and I must say sauteed pasta IS the best!

Hope you find a new stove soon.

Jocelyn said...

Sauteed pasta?

Where have I been all my life?

I think, btw, that you have a poltergeist.