Thursday, September 04, 2008

Once upon a time....

.... in a land far far away there lived a little frog named Jazz. She lived in a little apartment with a little balcony in the trees with her little frog prince, Mr. Jazz.

The Js had been living happily every after for quite a while in utterly medieval conditions (no computer, no dishwasher, no microwave). When one is a frog, it's always good to not have too many possibilities for original cooking methods. You wouldn't want to end up with your legs nuked in garlic butter. It makes frantic hopping ever so much more difficult.

One summer day, out of the blue, Jazz's big brother, BB (now isn't that original) who for some odd reason is not himself a froggy, offered her his "old" laptop. "Old" meaning not the latest thing on the market and probably a year old and thus, as far as the B-ster is concerned hopelessly outdated. The Js jumped at the idea. Hey! A computer! An almost medievalcomputer by BB standards. Thus extremely reassuring by Jazzer standards. That could be plugged into the net. And shit. Whoa!

They were suitably impressed, medieval little froggies they were, and ready to jump into modern times.

Four months later they picked up the computer. Not that BB lived that far, maybe 1/2 hour away, but, well... obviously they weren't all that quick on the uptake. And though it was an absolute priority (they had been thinking of buying one for over three years by then), and they wanted it ever so much, somehow the whole modern times thing suddenly wasn't that much of a priority. The computer finally did enter the Jazz abode and just somehow made it seem a little bit shinier and more polished (and it was indeeed in desperate need of shine and polish).

Jazz waited a while to see if the house would miraculously become as shiny and clean and neat as a pin (all the time wondering where the hell that expression came from) but 21st century technology be damned, the laptop didn't have that particular effect. Nor did it make tea. Something of a letdown actually. You'd at least expect tea.

And so the computer made it's little place in the Jazz home. And a whole 10 months later a modem was purchased. That cute little blue box with the flashing lights sat on the table for a while, while the Js hopped around it, looking at it this way and that, wondering if maybe it wouldn't be better all in all to use it as an ever so original piece of art, in some sort of non-medieval assemblage.

Somehow that didn't come together.

Only one choice was left to them: Plug the pretty blue box into the laptop with that cute apple on it (Jazz had tried to eat the apple at one point during a snack attack, but the results were, to say the least inconclusive) and take those first tentative steps into the 20th century.

On a Mac. When Jazz has never used anything other than PC. Her little froggy (foggy?) mind is having problems wrapping iteslf around the whole Mac concept, plus she periodically tries to eat that stupid apple. Brain farts abound. The 20th century is a tough place to be for the Jazzer.

The Js are nevertheless still far from the 21st century - give 'em a break, from medieval times to the 20th in one fell swoop is already quite a jump! And they're still not thinking about a microwave since the whole garlic butter thing is a bit horrific to contemplate, but yes, they have moved into the 20th century. Bow down before them, oh ye of little faith! Bow down all you who said it would never happen! Bow down and give praise where praise is due!

The 21st century hovers however, and like a siren, sweetly beckons with a wireless setup that might soon see the light of day.

If Mr. Jazz can find a router that actually will clean the house and make Jazz's tea.

And they will live happily ever after for some time more.

The end.


VioletSky said...

I just spent 2 weeks with someone who still calls a radio a 'wireless'. I'm guessing you're referring to something more complex and different?!

Suzan Buckner said...

LOL..does this mean that you are getting computer access in your home...and Jazz, dear...we are now in the 21st century...going into th 22nd...LOL...

furiousBall said...

i loves me macs, good for you

Urban Animal said...

Ahhh, that's nice. The computer was quite welcome when I was there last to plug in my aging iPod. So now you have email at home. Well done you two :)

Counting the days till your visit. The menu keeps changing too...

geewits said...

I'm happy for you, but I think I would have chosen a dishwasher instead.

Mr. Jazz said...

Geewits: I am the dishwasher!

Jocelyn said...

One day, you may give up your horseless carriage and get one of them new-fangled things called "automobile."

Big Brother said...

"Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated!!!" sayeth BB with a sinister laugh.

XUP said...

I know you're waiting for me to answer the "neat as a pin" thing..okay.. "neat" originally meant "shiny". Ergo something that is shiny and/or shiny and clean is neat as a pin ('cause pins are shiny). Ta -da!!

geewits said...

Mr. Jazz,
The fact that you are a gourmet chef and do the dishes is really killing Jazz's credibility as a bona fide curmudgeon.

Jazz said...

AAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH... blogger just ate all my comments! Now I have to do it all again! This better not be a preview of my Friday!

Violet - Everything is ever so much more complex for me.

Suzan - yes, I have computer access at home. And I'll be in the 21st century as soon as I go wireless. Wired hookup is soooo 20th century

Fuball - Macs drive me crazy. But I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth am I?

UA - Glad to be of help to your ipod

Geewits - There's just two of us so not that many dishes. And now I have the www at my fingertips, not that it's made much difference so far.

Mr. Jazz - And I love you for it

Jocelyn - seeing the price of gas these days, I might just go back to a horse and buggy.

BB - I wasn't resisting, I was just, um... too damn lazy to get to it.

XUP - I knew you'd come through for me!

Geewits - I am a well fed curmudgeon!

somewhere joe said...

Yours doesn't make tea?

Hagelrat said...

damn i'd love a mac.ah well. Yay you and does that mean we get more Jazz now?

choochoo said...

OOoh. That explains the e-mails on Sunday. Oh my, oh my. Wouldn't recommend plugging it into shit, though.

Anonymous said...

I hope you get that all sorted out - I love having wireless access at home.