Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Why north americans are fat and other musings

Seen after leaving the subway***, going to get the bus...

The subway is on the lower level and you have to go up a floor to get to street level.

You have the choice between a flight of stairs or an escalator. Now, being lazy as I am, I usually just step on the escalator. However, today it wasn't working, so I headed for the stairs. Now keep in mind this isn't a huge flight of stairs, just the regular 30 or so steps I suppose.

The janitor was near the escalator, gettting ready to turn it back on. At least 12-15 people were standing there waiting for him to do just that. And they didn't seem to think there was anything intrinsically (damn, what a cool word) strange about that. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!?!?!


On another note the time of the dreaded Christmas letter is here.

You know the ones; those where everyone is wonderful and delightful, the kids are all successful beautiful A students, mom and dad are also beautiful and successful even the dog chases squirrels beautifully and successfully across the yard (puke).

I'm eagerly awaiting the day where I get THE letter :

"Julie's 10 years of dance lessons have paid off! She's been working as an exotic lap dancer for the past six months, and doing very well indeed!

As for Junior, his chemistry degree has been very useful in his crank lab - the boy has been making money hand over foot, at least he was until he was arrested a few weeks ago. We have every hope, however, that Uncle John will be able to get him off as it is a first offense.

Little Timmy's, entrepreneurial spirit neve ceases to amaze us! At 9, he's already got a brisk business going in the schoolyard taxing other students.

Spike, our ever adorable pit bull bit the head off the next door neighbor's chihuahua a few weeks ago. When the neighbor came to complain, Spike took off his hand. Good Boy!

A new baby will soon be arriving in our household - Dad has been screwing the babysitter again. And me? Well things are just fine and dandy with me; I've embarked on a wonderful self-improvment program and have managed to spend $100,000 on cosmetic surgery and botox this year."

Now THAT would be a Christmas letter to remember...

*** By the way, people have been tearing down the iPOD ads! YAY!

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

LOVE the Christmas letter!!! HAHAHAHA!