Monday, April 27, 2009

The Saga Continues

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I have never been so exhausted in my life. I can't believe we've been working on this project for a week now, 10 hours a day, and it's still not done. I flop into bed and wake up feeling just as tired. Who knew wielding a paintbrush was an Olympic sport.

Though we're getting there, only the kitchen left to paint and that should be "quickish". This I say because, despite the cabinets, it's all straight lines. Famous last words, eh? But I have to keep hope alive or I'll jump off the balcony.

Cause people? Houses built in 1912 have tons of detailing work, hours upon hours of detailing work. They were built by evil maniacs who lived to make life difficult for future generations of poor schmoes.

Sure they have character, but trust me, character is highly overrated when you're painting Character actually sucks - a lot - when you're painting. It's a time-consuming pain in the ass is what it is.

Houses built in 1912 also don't have a straight wall anywhere, but that's not such a big deal when painting, thank god.

I've learned things though, during this marathon painting session:

  • I suck my top lip in and bite on it when concentrating. My teeth seem to be permanently imprinted into my inner lip. OUCH.
  • It's not a good idea to lean your head on a just painted wall to keep steady in order to do detailing.
  • Or your butt.
  • When you're doing detailing with an artist brush 'cause anything else is too big, it's just pain in the ass detailing. People who are anal about details should not live in houses built in 1912. No they should not. You're obsessive about details stay the fuck away from houses built almost a century ago.
  • It's an even worse idea to step into the paint tray. When it's full. That's just plain dumb. Or just plain Jazz.
  • As Lime (I think it was) noted in the previous comments, there's a meditative quality to painting. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be in the psychiatric wing by now.
  • I will always be the designated detailer.
  • It will never be perfect.
  • Those little colour cards? They lie. The colours are much more intense than what I was going for. I was going for sophisticated grown up, I got bright and colourful. I guess sophistication is just not in me - the dining room used to be salmon and orange. I guess, Mr. Jazz and I are wired for intense in the colour department. Since we're not really intense in other ways, I guess a bright dining room will do. It will have to do cause there is no way in hell I'm doing this again anytime soon.
  • There will always be touch ups.
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14 comments:

furiousBall said...

Ass detailing is the performance of an extremely thorough cleaning, polishing and waxing of an ass, both inside and out, to produce a show-quality level of detail. It can be practiced for personal satisfaction, and it is also performed to prepare an ass for a Concours d'Elegance (often shortened to just Concours), an ass show that features the appearance of cars, and most importantly, detailing is done to improve the appearance and maintain the "curb appeal" of cars, to improve the ownership experience, and to maintain a higher sale value.

Dumdad said...

Bon courage!

Guillaume said...

Hilarious picture.

Ian Lidster said...

You've succeeded in filling me with guilt about procrastinating over painting the living room -- which is big, with a high-vaulted ceiling. We've been avoiding it like mad, now I feel even less enthusiastic. However, I loved the 'truth' of your saga.

pinklea said...

You stepped into a paint tray?! I've never known anyone over the age of 5 who did that - congratulations on being so unique!

Will you post photos of your completed handiwork, bright and colourful as it is?

Jazz said...

Furball - Has anyone told you recently that you're completely insane? That's one of the many reasons I love you so.

Dumdad - Merci. One more coat in the kitchen and we're done.

Ian - I do not aim to send you on a guilt trip. If I were you though, I'd seriously consider getting it done. Cost be damned, you'd be helping the economy - doing a good dead as it were.

Pinks - Oh yeah, I did. I'm such a five year old in many many ways. And a spaz. And I'll post pics as soon as furniture is back into the rooms.

geewits said...

I hope with all the craziness going on there, you did not forget to take a lot of pictures? As a very experienced painter, and by "very experienced" I only mean that I have done it a lot, I know your agony. And if it will make you feel better, except for the lip biting, I have done all of those things too. And when you are drinking a beer and using a cup for your "small sections" painting, do not get the beer can and cup confused with each other. Yes, I have done that.

Big Brother said...

And that's why I don't do paint, lil sister. I rest my case. ;o)

Rachel said...

I suck my top lip in and bite on it when concentrating. My teeth seem to be permanently imprinted into my inner lip. OUCH.I stick out my tongue and furrow my brows. My self-defense teacher once threatened me that she would hit me in the chin if I continued to do that (its dangerous when fighting, as I could bite my tongue off)

everything you said about detail painting: LMAO! Stick to canvases next time. heres an idea...paint a bunch of canvases and plaster them to the walls!

Yeah I know, bad idea...

Gaelyn said...

LOL! You certainly have a way with words. I hate painting and used to think an early 1900s house would be cool. You've sold me that its character is over rated. Hope you're almost done. Keep your ass out of the paint please.

citizen of the world said...

That's very true about the paint cards being lighter than the paint wil be on your walls. And weirdly, it darkens as it dries. But you just have to set your mind for it being imperfect and for the inevitable disasters. Remember - your trals are simply a means for entertaining us here on your blog. It's all for the greater good. :)

Jocelyn said...

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

(of the paint in your hair, if not on the walls)

Suldog said...

Ah, well, see, in 1912 they hired the recently-emigrated rabble to do the painting. And they were happy as hell to get 4 cents an hour for detailing :-)

lime said...

glad you discovered the meditative quality. and those color chips, yeah, they really do lie.