Friday, February 01, 2008

Recycling of a sort...

I know most people have probably already received this in an email, but for those of you living in a cave, here ya go. Besides I'm too lazy on this freaking snowstormy Friday to actually think up a witty and amusing post. The synapses, they aren't firing as they should.


HOW TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE'S MINDS


1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in." (Damn, I’d love to do that)

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds"

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. (While looking for a picture I wondered what "diet water" would turn up... who the hell knew. Only in Japan)

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. (To be done only if you don’t really want to stay friends with them)

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

22 comments:

Tai said...

"In accordance with the prophecy"...I LOVE THAT!!

furiousBall said...

the diet water reminded me of this

geewits said...

What? These aren't normal things? I do four of them all the time.

A Happy Downtowner said...

Love love love this! Especially putting the garbage bin on your desk... I would also love to do that!

Wow, needed the laugh today, we're also being snowed in, ok, not as much as you guys but a lot for us in TO (remember RMR clip, I think it will play in real life today lol) so thanks again :)

Evil Spock said...

And this clip should help round out your list.

Ian Lidster said...

Those are hilarious. Number 5 utterly cracked me up. And, in that light, I sent an award your way. Please check my blog.

Josie said...

Jazz, I should know better than to read your blog while I am sitting in a quiet office. I burst out laughing and everyone turned to look at me.

These are wonderful.

**giggle**

Big Brother said...

Hey lil sister along with Ian I've also bestowed the award on you. Nothing like nepotism.

Rachel said...

Thanks for the giggles and the chortles. I need it, I had a crappy day. :) Thanks!

Dumdad said...

It's the first time these turned up at my cave. Thanks.

choochoo said...

That last one is almost reason to have kids. Almost.

somewhere joe said...

You have WAY too much time on your hands. Coincidentally so do I, so I'll be trying them all.

Lhianon said...

I needed to laugh today...
...in accordance with the prophecy

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

I got this years ago and it STILL makes me laugh. I sometimes wish I worked in an office so I could do more of these.

I do write "for smuggling diamonds" or "lion taming lessons" on most of my checks though

That girl said...

I will try the one about paging myself at work on monday, without disguising my voice...i'll let you know if I get fired ;-)

pierre l said...

I had a good giggle at this list, and, like "dumdad", I hadn't seen them before (maybe they haven't reached Europe yet). I found the ATM one rather tempting!
They promised us snow in the South of England but failed to deliver.

Hayden said...

egad this must have gotten to the marketing people at Bank of America. Their new ATMs DO look like they belong in a casino, complete with flashing lights and bells. Awful.

as for 18, I'm in SF and that one hits way too close to home right now!

Jill said...

I'm going to do at least five of these things on Monday, just because it's Monday.

Jocelyn said...

The zoo, the prophecy...sounds like another day at Jazz's house.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

I LOVE IT!

Jazz said...

Hello All - Sorry but I'm having trouble typing, so I'm not going to answer you all.

Suffice it to say that According to the prophecy works very well...

Hageltoast said...

lol, like the office distractions!!